Dieciocho

Jackson is 18 months people.

This is by far my favorite age.

He's funny and social and is usually having a good time no matter what.

I'm pretty sure his vocabulary exceeds 40-50 words.

He repeats everything you say, like wasssup and COOL!

REFUSES to eat anything unless he's feeding himself.

Uses a fork and a spoon like a champ.

Knows the sound every animal makes (ok, maybe not all animals but a lot).

Likes counting to 5 (but every number after 2 is still 2).

Loves pointing to different parts of his body.

Loves trains with a passion and wants to watch youtube videos. all. day. long.

All in all he's fabulous. Such a little person with such a big personality. I honestly don't understand what I ever did with all that free time before he came along but every minute planned with him is an adventure. I cant believe my little tiny boy who had no will to live and never wanted to eat when he was born is now a happy little boy ready for anything that comes his way. I've learned many lessons being Jackson's mother and one that has stuck from the very beginning is that he only gets better with age.

I love you Jackson.

6

Jackson,

Today you are 6 months old.

If you would have asked me 5 months ago if I thought I would make it to this point, I would have, without a doubt, said no.

It was a rough road getting here to this place where I feel like I truly know you. To this place where I am comfortable and happy with my abilities as your mother.

You are such a happy spirit and I thank God everyday for what you bring into our home. But most importantly, I thank him for how you've changed me.

I am more patient

I am more organized

I am more understanding

I am more loving

I am more driven

I am a better listener

I am a stronger person

All because 6 months ago you chose me as your mom.

Jackson,

You're twelve weeks and growing up at an incredible speed.
The joy I thought I'd feel at seeing you grow is slightly dimmed by my selfishness of wanting you to stay just the way you came into this world.
Your dad and I spent the whole afternoon watching videos of you and reminiscing on what you were just weeks ago. And its humorous to think of now, but all the pain I felt delivering you and recuperating from your birth, and all the sleepless nights those first weeks, they are all erased from my memory. All I seem to remember is those nights spent with you peacefully on my chest, the first time you smiled, our first conversation, and those beautiful times in between.
As I fed you last night, I realized your hands no longer fit perfectly around my thumb and for a second I didn't want to stop looking at you of fear that you would continue growing right before my very eyes.
Soon you will be all grown up and these things I savor daily will all be gone. But remember that mama loved you from the very moment she found out she'd soon be called mama.

Love,
Mama

Dear Baby,

I feel every single one of your moves now.
I sometimes can tell when its a little hand or foot moving
and it makes me smile for hours after.

You have stopped giving me heart burn 24 hours a day
and have reduced to only giving it to me for about 12 hours a day,
but only as long as I'm chewing minty gum.
That was nice of you, thanks.

You keep growing and I have decided there is just no more room!
My stomach hurts from stretching and I can't make it stop.
I have began waking up every hour at night again,
trying to find a more comfortable position.
So, I have a deal for you.
You just go ahead and come out as soon as possible,
and in return, I will be the best mommy I can be... plus more!

Your room is almost ready for your arrival,
and so is daddy.
He can't wait to make you play with him.
And I cant wait to witness it all.

So... think about my proposal and let me know what you think.
We're just so anxious to meet you.
and I'm really excited to breathe normal again.

Love you,
Mama

Dear Babe,

Last night I had a dream about a little boy.
He was about 3 months old,
and had the most beautiful hazel/green eyes I'd ever seen.

His hair was a light shade of brown,
and his skin lighter than mine.

He looked just like his father,
and it made me weak in the knees.

In the dream, he was supposed to be my son.
and he smiled at me like we'd known each other since the beginning of time.

I hope that was your way of introducing yourself to me
because I was left madly in love, which I can't wait to show you.

Dear Baby,

I've kind of been the meanest mom around this last week.
I've been super sad and in a lot of pain
and I'm sorry if I made you feel all of that.

Sometimes I get a little scared of how life
is completely going to change once you get here.
Whether all of a sudden my life will end,
or how it will all affect my marriage,
or if you will bring such happiness
that I just wont understand how I ever made it this far without you.

I know it's more the latter,
but you can't be mad at me for wondering.
This is going to be a big change for mommy.

I'm getting really worried about your arrival
and whether I am capable of being the mom
I always pictured myself being.
I hope I can, because all I know is that
I already know you deserve it.
So I'll strive for that daily.

Your daddy is so eager for you to get here,
and we kiss and talk to you every day.
and I still smile at every movement your little body makes inside of me.
You kick me and you tickle me
and make me pee every five minutes,
but I smile through all of it.
except in the middle of the night.

I'm getting ready for you to finally join us,
even though your room may not look like it at the moment.
But my heart is there.

Dear Baby,

Thank you for letting mommy sleep last night.
I think you got scared when daddy told you that if you didn't let me,
you were going to be grounded.

We painted your room this weekend and
are getting ready to fill it with furniture.
We think you'll like it all so much.

I am getting more and more overwhelmed with the things
I need to buy for you before you make your arrival.
I feel like we are so far from ready to welcome you home.
Hopefully in the next couple of weeks, I will get more ready
and things will stop feeling so scary.

You are now 28 weeks and have 12 more weeks to go.
You are 15 inches!
you weigh 4 pounds!
and you have EYE LASHES,
and maybe even hair on your head.
I read all of these little details each week
and can't help but want to squeeze you!

You move like crazy now,
specially around the times mom wants to take a nap
or sleep through the night.
You are too young to be having parties
so I suggest you stop that right now, mister.

I don't know how or why,
but you like the sound of my voice when I try to sing to you.
I have had to calm you down multiple times
and it works like magic.
And you know what the funny thing?
Mommy is a super bad singer!

I'm glad you love me anyway.
I love you.

Dear baby,

You are getting bigger and I can feel it with every step I take.
NY was fun but I dont think you loved it.
I think I might have put too much pressure on you.
I hurt everywhere now and have been walking with a limp for a couple of days.
You move all day long, except when someone wants to feel you.
You respond to my voice most of the time and it makes me smile.
The other night, I put music up to my belly and I think it scared you.
Next time, I'll make sure to make sure it's not so loud.
Sleeping is getting super hard, from waking up to pee,
to you moving around all night.

There is no doubt that everyone can tell I am pregnant now,
since I feel the size of a cow.
I saw you move the other night for the first time.
I actually saw my belly move.
I can tell you are getting stronger.

I just wanted to tell you I love you today.
And that though I'm going through hard times
getting used to the changes my body is undertaking
for you to keep growing healthy and strong,
I know it'll all be worth it when I look into your little eyes
and your small hands curl around my fingers and we
realize we made it to that moment together.
Just you and I.

We haven't named you yet, and from the look of things,
we might just let you choose when the time comes.
Because I'm horrible at making decisions,
and even worse at settling for something less than the best.

Dear Baby,

You need to stop kicking me in weird places.
Moma's gotta sleep once in a while so she
can have the energy to take care of you when you get here.
You will be here in 121 days, or so the internets says.
I can't believe time is flying by so quickly.
You could say mom and dad are in no way ready for your arrival,
but we will call it... a little unprepared.

Moma is going on vacation next week so make sure
you are well behaved in there.
There will be lots of walking and exploring so little
to no whinning is necessary.

You are making my belly so big and hard,
it's getting more and more believable that
there is a baby waiting to come out in there.

This week, we are going to pick out a couple of colors to try out
for your nursery so we can make it a perfect space for you.
We are getting more and more excited to welcome you into
our little family and can't wait to have a little extra person
to play with us all the time.

I love you.

Dear Baby,

You're a BOY.
We knew it all along but people still tried to tell us you weren't.
You have all of your little fingers and toes and that makes me happy.
We bought you an outfit this weekend, and its studly,
but now I'm afraid the girls will try and steal you away too quickly.

I talked about you yesterday.
Not just as a fetus, or the baby in my belly that will be here in the future.
I actually called you my son, my first baby boy.
It was very different to hear those words come out of my mouth,
but I was filled with such happiness that I can't even describe.

We don't have a name for you yet.
Not because we haven't thought about it, because truthfully,
that's all I think about some days.
But we just want it to fit you so perfectly,
that though we may like a name,
we need to make sure it was made for you.

I love you more than ever.
Your daddy talks about how much he's going to teach you when you come out.
He's already worrying about what we'll do while he's at work;
he wants to be a part of it.
He's already warned me that I need to learn how to play like a boy,
and be tough, and teach you manly things.

I promise I will do my best.
I will teach you about colors and letters,
and we will paint until we're all dirty.
I will teach you to follow the music's rythm,
and how to be a gentleman to other women.

I may not know how to play sports,
or build things,
or even be that tough.
But I promise you one thing:
I'll try anyway.

Love you,
Your mama

Hello

Dear baby,

I got to hear your little heart beat yesterday.
It's the same as it has been- 153 bpm.
I thought we might be able to find out your gender at the appointment yesterday,
but I was wrong and really sad because of it.
I feel you move all the time now and you don't let me sleep.
I am getting more of a belly each day and my pants don't want to button anymore.

On November 12th, we have THE ultrasound.
Words can't describe how much I want to know what you are.
We are not going to find out there and then; we will celebrate instead.

We are going to record it all, have the ultrasound tech put what you are in an envelope,
have a lady make a cake with the inside icing being pink or blue,
invite all of your peeps over and have a party
and cut that cake together to find out who you are.

You can't mention the word 'party' without your mom getting all excited;
Mama loves parties.

So here we go... waiting has never been so hard.
Life is going to get much more exciting once I can buy you things
and celebrate you even more.

See you in 15 days, sweetie.

love,
Mama

Babbbbby!

I don't like buttoning up my pants anymore.
Zipper still holds up my pants just as well,
so why go the extra step and make both of us a little uncomfortable?

Sleeping has become a chore.
I don't really sleep very well,
but as long as you're alright I guess I'll toughen up.

I get to see you next week and I cant wait.
We get to see how big you are and how well
you are developing.
You are the size of a thing of Mascara!
So every morning as I am getting ready
and I put mascara on, I smile at the thought.

We've decided to find out what you are in a super special way.
Where we get to find out with your grandparents
and your aunts and uncles present.
I'll tell you more about it later.

I just want to let you know that I love you,
and I already can't imagine my life without you.
The fatness, the mood swings, the heartburn...
It is all more than worth it.

I can't wait to meet you
and tell you everything while holding you
and smelling you and kissing you.

Daddy talks to you every night.
He thinks he needs to scream into my belly for you to hear him;
he's just silly.
He is just so excited to meet his new little friend.
I have a feeling you will like him as much as I do.

We love you.

Dear Little One,

Hey, it's been a while.
I miss you.
I wish I had doctor's appointments every week
so I could see all the growth that is going on in there.
They told me you are making little eyebrows and lashes this week
and that is only going to make you cuter;
Even if you do use those to show me how angry you are at me or how weird you think I am.

Last week you made me have heart burn ALL the time,
and I would walk around miserable with nothing to make it better.
Finally one night I drank a little milk and it made me feel better
so now anytime I feel it coming on, I go for the cold milk.
This week though, you are doing much better and
I'm pretty happy again.

I get to find out whether you are a little man or woman
in about 3 1/2 weeks!
Can you believe time is flying so quickly??
I cant believe I am almost 4 months along.
You have made this quick and easy for me so far so keep it up.

Know that mama loves you.
And that she is trying to exercise but it is just so hard!
I will try better so my face doesnt get super round by the time
you're ready to come out;
I want to make sure to make a good first impression.

Love you,
Mama

HIIII

I think this time I'm actually going to get to see you.
Let's pray that is so, since it feels like a million years since the last time.
Hopefully no one will be giving birth during our appointment.
I can't wait to see you move in there.

I might be really crazy,
or super gassy,
or maybe both,
OR maybe, just maybe, I felt you today.
It was the tiniest flutter.
And I'm just telling myself I'm just always super gassy
and just always confuse everything with gas.
I won't get my hopes up.
But if that was you, know mama knew.

I have bad news.
Daddy is deathly sick at home today,
and won't be able to see you because he's conciderate of others.
But momma and grandmommy will be there recording.
every tiny little thing.
So we can take it home and ooh and ahh over everything you do.
He won't miss a thing, don't you worry.

He told us he loved us yesterday
and I think he really really meant it.
You're a lucky baby.

See you in 3 hours.
and 44 minutes.
and 10 seconds.

Love,
Mama

Hi Chunkiness,

I hope you're a little fatty when you come out.
I love chubby babies, so imagine how much I'm going to love you!
We get to see you on Thursday and we are so excited.
Daddy didn't think he could make it
but he's done all he could to change that.
We don't want to miss seeing you, ever!

I'm almost done with the first trimester
and you have been an angel.
Don't try and make up for being so good once you're born.
Stay nice, please.

We bought you a CRIB.
We are so obsessed with you we couldn't help it.
Your little room is going to be super cute.

Anyway, be great on Thursday.
The doc said we get pictures to take home!
We're expecting kicks and punches and maybe even a smile.


Be there, please!
Love,
Mama

Love

Babebes, (Babe-is)

I looked at pictures of your daddy and I.
Together.
Alone.
When we were little.
When we were ugly.
And can I tell you a little secret?
I think you have a pretty good chance
of being the cutest baby out there.
We'll see about your awkward early teenage years.
I don't have promises for those.

You make me sleep all the time.
I think I was awake 10 hours yesterday.
Daddy prays for you every morning
that you will be healthy and strong.
So maybe you're just working hard in there to impress us.

I'm so in love with you already.
You're all I think about everyday.

I'll see you next week little buddy.
Impress us all you want.

My Dearest Bean

Went to the doctor yesterday and guess what?
You are HUGE.
You have grown a ton in just a week and a half.
You are healthy and strong and everything looks great,
so nothing at all is wrong. It's just mommy being crazy.
The doctor just said you like to hurt me a little bit.
Hopefully you will grow out of that by the time you're a teenager.

We changed doctors.
We liked him but didn't LOVE him,
and he's kind of far.
Now I'm going to have you at the hospital right by our house!
It's brand new so we'll both like it.

See you in a couple of weeks!

Te amo,
Mama

Hey baby,

I think you're stretching out my insides.
The sides of my belly hurt.
I'm already so worried about you being ok.
I made an appt to make sure it was ok that you were hurting me.
Wednesday I'll know for sure.
Please make sure you're healthy and strong.
We love you too much already.

I swear I have a bump even if nobody agrees.
I already have long conversations with you;
sometimes in the car and people think I'm crazy.

We bought a little treasure that daddy is going to refinish,
and we are going to change your little diapers on it.

You're the size of an olive! an olive for goodness sake!
and by Sunday you will be a PLUM.
I love how we compare you to vegetables and fruits.
Those are my favorite foods.
Other than McDonald's hot fudge sundaes, anyway.

See you Wednesday.
Mama

Dear Baby,

This is you. I cried when I saw you.
Your little heart beats.
You are so real.
I'm so glad I wasn't imagining you.
Your daddy couldn't stop looking at you yesterday.
And I couldn't stop smiling.
Grandmama and papa think you're a boy too.
You are already loved beyond words.
I can't wait for you to feel that love.

I can't wait to feel you.
Thanks for not making me sick.
Try and keep it up.

Love,
Mama

Dear Baby

Today I get to meet you for the first time.
My heart is beating faster than usual.
I love you so much already.
Your daddy won't stop talking about you.
He thinks you're a boy.

I'm so happy you are part of us now.

Love,
Mama