Dear Reid,

If you're ever in Salt Lake City

and looking for a good sexy time,

You might not want to call me.

But if you have a free minute,

and don't mind hanging out with a creeper,

all I'll ask of you is to look at me and smile.

I'll proceed to pee my pants,

or drool.

You will run away

and we can move on with our lives.

Love,

Jess